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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby kinnon » Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:15 pm

OK, I need some relationship advice. My boyfriend is ridiculously private about his phone. He gets messages from lots of women all the time. He says that they are just friends, but honest to god, it is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. We were out the other evening and he got a message from a woman and I happened to see the conversation length, and it was just super long messages back and fourth. I don't want to be a snoop, and I hate feeling like I need to see what is happening. He also has a passcode on his phone, and he takes it to the bathroom with him when he showers just in case he thinks I know it. He also puts his iphone in 'airplane' mode whenever he is at my house so he can't receive any messages. Jesus, I want nothing more than to trust him, but he's making it kind of hard. He turns away from my view whenever he is reading a message from a woman. I know men are allowed to have female friends, but when do you draw the line? I am also not allowed on his computer as well. I don't know what he is saying to these woman and he will not show me the messages, he says he should be allowed to have privacy and female friends. I have tried giving him an ultimatum, and he said "Sorry, i'm allowed my privacy and i'm not going to budge." I feel like i'm in a catch 22. What do I do? Bite the bullet?
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby kenner » Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:21 pm

OK, I need some relationship advice. My boyfriend is ridiculously private about his phone. He gets messages from lots of women all the time. He says that they are just friends, but honest to god, it is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. We were out the other evening and he got a message from a woman and I happened to see the conversation length, and it was just super long messages back and fourth. I don't want to be a snoop, and I hate feeling like I need to see what is happening. He also has a passcode on his phone, and he takes it to the bathroom with him when he showers just in case he thinks I know it. He also puts his iphone in 'airplane' mode whenever he is at my house so he can't receive any messages. Jesus, I want nothing more than to trust him, but he's making it kind of hard. He turns away from my view whenever he is reading a message from a woman. I know men are allowed to have female friends, but when do you draw the line? I am also not allowed on his computer as well. I don't know what he is saying to these woman and he will not show me the messages, he says he should be allowed to have privacy and female friends. I have tried giving him an ultimatum, and he said "Sorry, i'm allowed my privacy and i'm not going to budge." I feel like i'm in a catch 22. What do I do? Bite the bullet?
Trust is huge in a relationship. Has he always been like this? My boyfriend has a lot of friends. guys and girls. When I see him with his phone out (which is rare) yeah I'll look but im not worried. I trust him, and he trusts me. I have guy friends that he knows I talk to but I dont feel the same way about them as I do my boyfriend, and he knows that. You need to be straight with him and ask him some serious questions like if he's cheating on you. I sincerely hope thats not the case, but you need to trust him and he needs to trust you.

I agree with the answers above, he might be cheating on you. Be careful next time.
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby durrell » Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:28 pm

honestly i would break up with him. not adding you on facebook? seriously? that is pathetic of him. he is probably doing that so all of his female friends can't see that he is in a relationship. guys are allowed to have female friends but he is definitely crossing the line by everything that he is doing. i wouldn't be able to trust my boyfriend at all if he were like this. i would always think that he was doing something behind my back. maybe what you should do is do the same thing that he is doing. text when he is texting and put a lock on your phone and everything and see how he reacts then if he reacts as jealousy then you should be like well now you know how i feel. but the best thing that i can tell you to do is to break up with him because this is just absolutely ridiculous and you deserve a guy who shouldn't want to talk to all these girls because he has you to talk to. just think things through and do what is best for you. i hope i've helped (: good luck!
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby bazyl7 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:33 pm

He seems to be talking to a lot of girls,and doesn't want to get caught.
end it
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby mogue » Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:42 pm

It looks like if he's being that secretive then Ask him "why is he so secretive". Say that you reallydon'tt really if he loves you or not. In my opinoin Trust is something that is needed in order for you to realy be together. Look in my opinion i think he is cheating on you.
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby gildea80 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:50 pm

If these are *only* from women, and if they have nothing to do with business, Id say: He could be making this a test of your relationship, your way or his way. He could be using these friendships as backup, in case things don't work out with you. Or he could have other things going on. To me, as a guy, it's very suspicious. If the messages were innocent and I liked my gf, I'd show the messages to her in a minute, without editing. At the least it seems like a big control thing, like he has to constantly show you he has other options.

You said you gave him an ultimatum. An ultimatum is show me or it's over. If you said that and didn't follow through, he's even more in control. I'm suspicious, and I'm not even you!

That said, I do not allow anybody unlimited access to my iphone. But I would certainly show messages if I was there. And anybody I really liked would be a friend on facebook, unless it was a business account.
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby sherbourn65 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 4:51 pm

a real man that loves you, would be able to show you the messages, without freaking out.. he's deff hiding something.. and he wants you to feel like a snoop.. you have a right to know, when its that sneaky... he's probably having multiple affairs, as much as it hurts to think that.. you need to break it off... tell him why, then leave and don't look back.
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby brentan » Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:09 pm

of course he's hiding stuff but sorry to say that you're the idiot who is letting him... i know i wouldn't put up with that i'm the biggest snoop ever i would have found out already i rather be a snoop than a idiot... that's what you are!!
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby aodhhan17 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:15 pm

Not adding you as a friend on facebook after a year? Sorry, that is just ridiculous. I've had people add me as a friend after a 2 second conversation, meaning they want to stay in touch and/or get to know me.

Your boyfriend is either cheating on you or has some alternate life he doesn't want you to know about. END IT!
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Why is my boyfriend so secretive with his phone and computer?

Postby vinn25 » Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:20 pm

sorry 2 say that he does not love u :(
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