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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby keillan » Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:34 pm

Just before the end of the school year, I grounded my 15-year-old daughter for the entire summer vacation. She is not allowed outside of the house, and she may not watch TV or use the computer or the phone. I also took away her cell phone and her iPod.

We are going on vacation to Hawaii in early August. I am wondering, should my daughter be allowed to come with us? I want to either forbid her to come and hire a baby sitter to make sure she cooperates with her grounding while we are gone. I do not trust her by herself for a whole week; she has lost my trust by disobeying me and having prayer. Another option would be to let her come, but to ground her to the hotel room for the whole vacation. I think this may be a better idea, as we already bought the plane tickets and they are not refundable. And she won't be able to do anything fun with the family if we ground her to the hotel room. My husband thinks she should be allowed to come, and we should "un-ground" her for that week. He thinks the whole point of going on vacation as a family is so we can spend time together and do fun things as a family. I think he is way too lenient.

So, I'm asking fellow parents for advice, what would you do in this situation?
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby jerrah » Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:36 pm

The whole point of punishing is that they learn a lesson. What lesson is she learning if you alter the punishment and let her have some fun during it?
Trust me, she won't stay in her hotel room either. She'll just leave and make the trip more miserable for you.
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby cesaro » Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:44 pm

Well....i understand your point and i see your husbands side too. Ten years from now you will think back to this vacation and you'll want your daughter in those memories. Has she ever been to Hawaii? If she hasn't then i think you should let her go and experience that with you guys. Take a nice long walk on the beach and talk to her about the reasons why you don't want her having prayer. If shes been there before and you guys take trips all the time, then maybe you should keep her in the hotel room. But either way i think she should be allowed to do some stuff. Or maybe let her go, with no restrictions, and in exchange she'll add on another month of being grounded back at home. I mean, you already spent the money you might as well let her go.
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby ualtar » Sat Aug 14, 2010 6:47 pm

Well, first of all, I don't believe she should have been grounded for "disobeying...and having prayer." You really can't order a teenager to obey, don't have prayer. That is not reasonable. What happens after summer is over? She will become obedient and never have prayer again? It doesn't work that way. If she was having prayer, you should have taken her to the doctor and gotten her birth control. As far as the vacation, it would be ridiculously cruel to take her and make her stay in the hotel. Also to leave her home. You should have thought of that before you grounded her for the summer. Why not talk to her, let her know she disappointed you (not disobeyed), talk about the responsibilities of prayer, that the grounding will be lifted at the end of July (or now is good for me!). Then find out if she intends to continue having prayer, no threats of punishment, just open communication. If so, go to the doctors. If not, let her know if she changes her mind to tell you. Encourage her to use condoms at least.
I can't believe parents think their teens will "obey" them in all things!
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby coolie » Sat Aug 14, 2010 7:10 pm

I agree and disagree with Lisa. It is absolutely your option to decide to ground your child or not for having prayer. BUTTTT you should bring her with you to Hawaii. Other Answer-ers bring up (what I think of to be) good points.
- in 10 years from now, you will probably want her in those memories
- you already bought the ticket!
- if you leave her in the hotel room the whole trip, she will only be pushed further away from you and want to disobey more

As awkward as the conversation may be, you need to talk to your daughter woman-to-(almost)woman about prayer, the responsibilities, the consequences, etc... I cringe when I say this because I do not know what your reaction will be but: It is better that your daughter is fully educated and is having safe prayer, rather than not educated and having unsafe prayer. If the case comes up where, God forbid, she gets an STD or pregnancy scare, you can say "You know better. I taught you better."

Perhaps have this talk with her soon. I'm sure she will end up telling you that her emotions got the best of her. She's a teenager, she will make mistakes, but you're her mother and you love her. Let her know that obviously you want her to go with you on vacation, afterall she is your daughter, but she has to regain your trust. Maybe get her to "pay" for her fare by working (if she works), or by doing extra chores, errands, etc.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to make sure you don't push your daughter away from you and cause her to rebel in worse ways. She is at an impressionable age, how you deal with this may effect the rest of her teenage years as well as how SHE would deal with such a situation with her own daughter when the time comes.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE think of the consequences if your daughter were to rebel more.

(Also, I know this answer from me makes it seem as though prayer @ 15 is ok, but I am not ok with that! I'm 21, have had 4 boyfriends from age 15 to present and only lost my virginity at age 20 and I do not regret it one bit..err perhaps I could have waited longer!)
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby lorenzo » Sat Aug 14, 2010 7:25 pm

I had a step-dad ground me for the entire summer and we went to yellowstone that summer. I was grounded to the cabin for the week we were there. The only thing it did was make me think my mom hated me because she let it go on. prayer is a big rule to break but is it worth the resentment she could have towards you for the rest of her life? The summer I was grounded for was 8 years ago. I've grown up, got married, had kids of my own and I still resent her for it. And Yellowstone is no Hawaii
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby rodric » Sat Aug 14, 2010 8:05 pm

Of course she should come.
What are you "Mommie Dearest"?
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby geir32 » Sat Aug 14, 2010 8:08 pm

last summer my Godmother and Godfather grounded me for the whole summer because i was constently disrespecting them and going behind there back and i got bad grades. and they had already planned our summer vacation and we were going to Disney world. they gave me a choice. they said we can take the grounding off for two weeks so that you can enjoy vacation or you can just get a extra two weeks to your grounding. but later she told me if i decided to stay home and not go on the vacation she was going to make me go on vacation and just get the extra 2 weeks of grounding because she told me she wants me to have memories.
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby arach » Sat Aug 14, 2010 8:21 pm

go with your husbands idea. unground her for the week and let her go to hawaii. she's grounded for the entire summer. i think a 1 week break is fine.
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My daughter is grounded all summer and we are going on vacation in August. Should she be allowed to come?

Postby emmot » Sat Aug 14, 2010 8:44 pm

go with your husbands idea. unground her for the week and let her go to hawaii. she's grounded for the entire summer. i think a 1 week break is fine.
yes and please understand that a summer is a very long time to not have all those things you never get live your teen years again and its hard to listen to someones rules when they are always expecting you to be responsible she in between an adult and a child having prayer is very commen at her age and as young as 12 isnt that shocking anymore.i believe going to Hawaii is something that can bring you too together because creating a relationship with her again will help her not want to rebel against you and a vaction should be for the whole family leaving her behind can start a broken family. i think she should be able to do most fun things with your family in august not meeting new guys or anything just making memories for 10 years from now goodluck
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