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My girlfriend still is friends with all her ex boyfriends?

My girlfriend still is friends with all her ex boyfriends?

Postby kano » Thu Mar 24, 2011 4:11 am

Hey all. I need a little help.

I've been dating my current girlfriend for about a year and she has been asking me to move in with her. But there's an unresolved issue that I need to communicate with her about before I feel comfortable taking the plunge.

A problem I have with her that I haven't expressed to her is that she is still friends with her ex boyfriends. And that's including a couple guys that were really more casual than serious. I've mentioned it to her that I've made this observation but I haven't asserted how much it bothers me since I've been taking the 'playing it cool' 'hey I'm not jealous' road.

Ever since we first started dating, somehow somebody she used to date or had a relationship with would make it into our conversations. And they were always more innocent topics like something that we were talking about that triggered her to recall a memory that happened to include an ex. Or somebody she used to ****.

Last Saturday she dragged me out to a going away gathering for one of these guys. Her excuse was that she hadn't seen him in a year and that she wanted to be a good friend and say goodbye and also use the opportunity to get her ipod back from him.

On Friday she had gone out on a girl's night out with her girlfriends. She doesn't go out very often with her friends and I didn't feel uncomfortable about that. When the night was over she came back home to me, so how could I complain? That's exactly what a guy wants. Except that she stayed up for 20 minutes 'texting' this guy before turning her attention to me, claiming that he was upset because his current girlfriend was dumping him over his move. And it was confirmed the next night when he broke down in front of everyone over his girlfriend. So she's not lying to me. But I still feel betrayed and kind of disrespected by this. What if I came home after a night out with my friends and I told her I was texting an ex casual fling because she was upset? F that right?

Another time we got together with her former ex boyfriend of 7 years who she hadn't been involved with for about 3. Admittedly I enjoyed the man's company and thought it was fun other than the nagging thought of "why is this guy here?" "what does he have to do with our relationship? I doubt she would be OK with this had the roles been reversed so why am I letting it slide?" But then I also remind myself that she did bring me along and hasn't tried to go out on a date with one of these people by herself.

Am I jealous? Am I an idiot? How should I broach this subject or should I at all?

Thanks
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kano
 
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My girlfriend still is friends with all her ex boyfriends?

Postby fitzhugh » Thu Mar 24, 2011 4:14 am

Unless she gave reason for you to be concerned I think you should just chill out. It seems to be pretty innocent to me. As you have said, she took you along to these places so it's all pretty legit. Not all relationships end sour, and some people remain friends. You can't ask her to get rid of them when she hasn't really done anything wrong. Now if she was acting all suspicious and seeing them alone then you have a right. If you do feel really bothered then just talk to her. You have been together long enough and you do have a right to make an opinion. If you do decide to talk to her, don't make it out that you don't trust her because it will hit the fan then. Just be cool and casual about it. But personally, I think you shouldn't worry :)
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