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How come I do so much for my boyfriend but he doesn't act like he appreciates it?

How come I do so much for my boyfriend but he doesn't act like he appreciates it?

Postby bevyn » Sat Jan 19, 1974 9:49 am

So i'm 18 and my boyfriend is 22. He has had a pretty hard past, he had alcoholic and drug addict parents who abused him, he got into trouble with drugs and the law back when he was 16-19. He never really has had a girlfriend that does more for him that just bitches at him and is there to have prayer. He has been working to turn his life around over the past few years are so, and lately he has turned everything around. He has kept a job, has stayed clean from drugs, and has pretty much became his grandma's caretaker. Him and I started dating 3 months ago, I'm the first girlfriend who has ever bought him anything, and the first girlfriend who has never cheated on him (he has had a lot of girls) I know this may all sound bad, but he is a totally different person now. He has me, which I have a job, i'm in college, and I have my head on straight. I come from a great family, and not to be cocky but i'm just all around a really good person. Our relationship has been great but some things are starting to upset me. I feel like he doesn't appreciate all the things I do for him. Like on Valentine's day I wrote him a really nice card telling him how much I care about him and what he means to me, I gave it to him, and he read it after I left, but he never even commented on it, or told me thank you. Then the other day a got an iphone so i no longer needed my ipod. he has never had anything like that and he always really liked it and wanted to buy it from me, but I just gave it to him, because I didn't want money from him for it. I spent over an hour deleting my music from it, and finding all the music and bands he liked and put it on there and gave it to him. Then the next day he called me telling me the ipod was worthless because he couldn't put music from his friend's library on it. Which isn't my fault at all. He said it in such a rude way, that it upset me. I didn't have to do any of that for him. Then two days ago I picked him up and took him to lunch because I wanted to let him get a break from his grandma who lives with him. He has to take care of her everyday and he is really stressed out about it, and since he does so much for her I wanted to show him that I cared and wanted to do something nice, but then the whole time we were out to lunch he was irritable and rude. I would try to joke around with him, and he would just kinda snap. He's not a mean guy, he is so sweet and really good to me. Aside from those 3 things, I do a lot of other things for him, like i'm always there for him, and he will mention little things that he wants and then when he least expects it I'll buy it for him to surprise him. He makes me really happy but I just feel like I work so hard to do things for him so he can be happy and he doesn't appreciate it. I know he has a lot going on lately with his grandma, and the fact he doesn't have a lot of of money because he had to cut back how much he works in order to care for her, and his abusive father just moved back in with him and is causing my boyfriend a lot of problems. I just feel like i'm his girlfriend, so he should be happy he has at least one person who cares and does so much for him, I do all these things because I want to help him and I want his life to be happier. I just want him to be happy and he has told me i'm the only good and positive thing in his life, so why would he act like that? it seems to me he would do everything he could to keep me. /:
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bevyn
 
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How come I do so much for my boyfriend but he doesn't act like he appreciates it?

Postby drystan74 » Thu Nov 17, 2005 6:18 am

So i'm 18 and my boyfriend is 22. He has had a pretty hard past, he had alcoholic and drug addict parents who abused him, he got into trouble with drugs and the law back when he was 16-19. He never really has had a girlfriend that does more for him that just bitches at him and is there to have prayer. He has been working to turn his life around over the past few years are so, and lately he has turned everything around. He has kept a job, has stayed clean from drugs, and has pretty much became his grandma's caretaker. Him and I started dating 3 months ago, I'm the first girlfriend who has ever bought him anything, and the first girlfriend who has never cheated on him (he has had a lot of girls) I know this may all sound bad, but he is a totally different person now. He has me, which I have a job, i'm in college, and I have my head on straight. I come from a great family, and not to be cocky but i'm just all around a really good person. Our relationship has been great but some things are starting to upset me. I feel like he doesn't appreciate all the things I do for him. Like on Valentine's day I wrote him a really nice card telling him how much I care about him and what he means to me, I gave it to him, and he read it after I left, but he never even commented on it, or told me thank you. Then the other day a got an iphone so i no longer needed my ipod. he has never had anything like that and he always really liked it and wanted to buy it from me, but I just gave it to him, because I didn't want money from him for it. I spent over an hour deleting my music from it, and finding all the music and bands he liked and put it on there and gave it to him. Then the next day he called me telling me the ipod was worthless because he couldn't put music from his friend's library on it. Which isn't my fault at all. He said it in such a rude way, that it upset me. I didn't have to do any of that for him. Then two days ago I picked him up and took him to lunch because I wanted to let him get a break from his grandma who lives with him. He has to take care of her everyday and he is really stressed out about it, and since he does so much for her I wanted to show him that I cared and wanted to do something nice, but then the whole time we were out to lunch he was irritable and rude. I would try to joke around with him, and he would just kinda snap. He's not a mean guy, he is so sweet and really good to me. Aside from those 3 things, I do a lot of other things for him, like i'm always there for him, and he will mention little things that he wants and then when he least expects it I'll buy it for him to surprise him. He makes me really happy but I just feel like I work so hard to do things for him so he can be happy and he doesn't appreciate it. I know he has a lot going on lately with his grandma, and the fact he doesn't have a lot of of money because he had to cut back how much he works in order to care for her, and his abusive father just moved back in with him and is causing my boyfriend a lot of problems. I just feel like i'm his girlfriend, so he should be happy he has at least one person who cares and does so much for him, I do all these things because I want to help him and I want his life to be happier. I just want him to be happy and he has told me i'm the only good and positive thing in his life, so why would he act like that? it seems to me he would do everything he could to keep me. /:
He was raised by alcoholic, drug-addicted parents. They didn't teach him appreciation. They didn't teach him that he was worthy of love. They taught him that the people who are supposed to love him will abuse him. People who are abused tend to shut down emotionally as a coping mechanism. He sought girlfriends who repeated this same pattern - cheating on him and treating him like garbage.

Now he is responsible for taking care of his grandmother without any example of or experience with nurturing someone. His abusive father has just moved back in with him. This is a tremendous amount of stress for someone who has never been taught that family should be supportive and loving. He's living in a pressure cooker that may push him back into drugs. That's why he's irritable even when you give him a break from his father and grandmother.

You are a completely new experience for him. He doesn't know how to thank you or show appreciation. His family experience was cruelty and frustration and anger. He has only been taught rudeness. He hasn't practiced politeness.

When you give someone a gift - a material item or your time and effort - it should be given without the expectation of reciprocation. You give because you want to help him and because you care about him. If you want to receive gifts in return, you'll have to find a guy who was raised with that etiquette. If you want to keep this guy in your life, you're going to have to have patience and compassion. You will be able to teach him loving and appreciative behavior by your example, but it will take a lot of time to undo all the mental and emotional damage done to him in his childhood.

He may need counseling to get over the abuse. He shouldn't be living with the abuser.
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How come I do so much for my boyfriend but he doesn't act like he appreciates it?

Postby nicolaas59 » Sun Jan 11, 2009 10:22 am

Well you see.........................















































He is just a jerk.
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Joined: Sun Sep 13, 2009 8:31 am

How come I do so much for my boyfriend but he doesn't act like he appreciates it?

Postby blythe75 » Thu Apr 21, 2011 1:57 am

So i'm 18 and my boyfriend is 22. He has had a pretty hard past, he had alcoholic and drug addict parents who abused him, he got into trouble with drugs and the law back when he was 16-19. He never really has had a girlfriend that does more for him that just bitches at him and is there to have prayer. He has been working to turn his life around over the past few years are so, and lately he has turned everything around. He has kept a job, has stayed clean from drugs, and has pretty much became his grandma's caretaker. Him and I started dating 3 months ago, I'm the first girlfriend who has ever bought him anything, and the first girlfriend who has never cheated on him (he has had a lot of girls) I know this may all sound bad, but he is a totally different person now. He has me, which I have a job, i'm in college, and I have my head on straight. I come from a great family, and not to be cocky but i'm just all around a really good person. Our relationship has been great but some things are starting to upset me. I feel like he doesn't appreciate all the things I do for him. Like on Valentine's day I wrote him a really nice card telling him how much I care about him and what he means to me, I gave it to him, and he read it after I left, but he never even commented on it, or told me thank you. Then the other day a got an iphone so i no longer needed my ipod. he has never had anything like that and he always really liked it and wanted to buy it from me, but I just gave it to him, because I didn't want money from him for it. I spent over an hour deleting my music from it, and finding all the music and bands he liked and put it on there and gave it to him. Then the next day he called me telling me the ipod was worthless because he couldn't put music from his friend's library on it. Which isn't my fault at all. He said it in such a rude way, that it upset me. I didn't have to do any of that for him. Then two days ago I picked him up and took him to lunch because I wanted to let him get a break from his grandma who lives with him. He has to take care of her everyday and he is really stressed out about it, and since he does so much for her I wanted to show him that I cared and wanted to do something nice, but then the whole time we were out to lunch he was irritable and rude. I would try to joke around with him, and he would just kinda snap. He's not a mean guy, he is so sweet and really good to me. Aside from those 3 things, I do a lot of other things for him, like i'm always there for him, and he will mention little things that he wants and then when he least expects it I'll buy it for him to surprise him. He makes me really happy but I just feel like I work so hard to do things for him so he can be happy and he doesn't appreciate it. I know he has a lot going on lately with his grandma, and the fact he doesn't have a lot of of money because he had to cut back how much he works in order to care for her, and his abusive father just moved back in with him and is causing my boyfriend a lot of problems. I just feel like i'm his girlfriend, so he should be happy he has at least one person who cares and does so much for him, I do all these things because I want to help him and I want his life to be happier. I just want him to be happy and he has told me i'm the only good and positive thing in his life, so why would he act like that? it seems to me he would do everything he could to keep me. /:
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