He is completely self-absorbed and refuses to get a job or go to college. The problem is that his mother spoils him like crazy with the money she makes and buys him expensive "toys" and she does all his clothes and makes his bed, cooks his food, etc. even though he's 19 now. He still sleeps in the same room he had as a baby and has no intention of leaving it. All he wants to do is stay home and play with his new playstation/x-box/ipod/ipad/computer, etc...or else go skateboarding with his friends. He also smokes pot with them. When I tell him to get a job he lies about trying to find one and it never happens. I love my son, but I am tired of him thinking he's still 10 years old. I know it will make his mom really upset, but do I have a right to lose my temper at this point?

People only change if they get meaningful negative consequences on a regular basis for negative behavior and meaningful positive consequences on a regular basis when they do something good. If your wife prevents you from doing this with your son then the thing you can do is pray for your son and your wife and give the negative and positive consequences to your wife (within legal limits). Complaining to your son and your wife has not changed anything for the positive, why continue?

What do you mean by "lose your temper"? If you mean yell and scream and hit someone, that won't help anything. You are frustrated because you love your son and what you have been doing hasn't worked. I am so sorry that this is the case. It's true in my life also and the fact that I worked for 20 years as a Registered Nurse in adult and adolescent psychiatry hasn't helped a bit so don't feel too bad about yourself. The people in Nazareth didn't believe Jesus either. They said, "O we know him, he's no one special, we don't have to listen to him." And Jesus said, "A prophet is not honored in his own country."

You can talk to your wife but I assume you have already done that. Have you yelled at your wife in the past? If you haven't, maybe she might quit spoiling your son, if you have yelled at her and she hasn't changed, she won't now either. You might try marriage counseling.

People only change if they get meaningful negative consequences on a regular basis for negative behavior and meaningful positive consequences on a regular basis when they do something good. If your wife prevents you from doing this with your son then the thing you can do is pray for your son and your wife and give the negative and positive consequences to your wife (within legal limits). Complaining to your son and your wife has not changed anything for the positive, why continue?

What do you mean by "lose your temper"? If you mean yell and scream and hit someone, that won't help anything. You are frustrated because you love your son and what you have been doing hasn't worked. I am so sorry that this is the case. It's true in my life also and the fact that I worked for 20 years as a Registered Nurse in adult and adolescent psychiatry hasn't helped a bit so don't feel too bad about yourself. The people in Nazareth didn't believe Jesus either. They said, "O we know him, he's no one special, we don't have to listen to him." And Jesus said, "A prophet is not honored in his own country."

You can talk to your wife but I assume you have already done that. Have you yelled at your wife in the past? If you haven't, maybe she might quit spoiling your son, if you have yelled at her and she hasn't changed, she won't now either. You might try marriage counseling.

proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

dont beat your son or all out abuse him, but chasten by showing your authority. no offence but first maybe you need to work on yourself, and in spirituality its been said what done on the inside happens also outwards. so if you change yourself on the inside, your outward situations will change along with you. you call your son a brat, he remains a brat.

in all kindness

You've got a problem all right. He needs to start paying you rent, so that'll require a job. It's hard not to give our children everything they want if it's in our power to give it, but not so good for them, is it?

You've got a problem all right. He needs to start paying you rent, so that'll require a job. It's hard not to give our children everything they want if it's in our power to give it, but not so good for them, is it?

Since you have asked this in the Religion and Spirituality area, I'm obliged to point out that according to the bible you're required to take him to the elders of your community and have them stone him.

You've got a problem all right. He needs to start paying you rent, so that'll require a job. It's hard not to give our children everything they want if it's in our power to give it, but not so good for them, is it?

Since you have asked this in the Religion and Spirituality area, I'm obliged to point out that according to the bible you're required to take him to the elders of your community and have them stone him.

Well, he's kind of your creation as his parents, not just his own doing. He gets all he wants so of course he doesn't want that to change, but being spoiled has not taught him how to be self sufficient and stand on his own.

This is one way:

http://www.my friend's site.com/watch?v=GkiqyQJ9eU8

get a book on parenting or pay for counseling
or, given this is in teh religion section...talk to a holy preacher and get a jebuz slant on it

Do what the bible says Take him outside the city gates and stone him to death.

Or make him take some responsibility for his life may be a better option.

You need to make him get a job, stop feeding him. Don't buy him things. Don't give him money for weed. Cut off his internet.